Living in shadows

Today I went with my boss to a business lunch.

 

I work with a company that does data processing for financial institutions. So I know a little bit about interest rates and debit credit cards, atms, checks, loans, insurance..etc. Or at least I should.

 

Well, the topic with the other people in the table soon turned into the economy and how it affected people. They started talking precisely about people who just made it by doing the minimum payments on their credit cards and how ignorant they were to do that since they would never get out of debt.

 

They told about stories of people paying one debt by taking out cash advances on another card, efectively digging up a hole to cover another one.

 

All that time they were talking I felt I had a big arrow pointing towards me with a big sign saying "loser". I barely spoke a word while they talked long on that subject. I don't know if they could feel my face all warm and red as I felt it.

 

Fortunately they moved on to other economic problems like the rising cost of food and fuel.

 

One comforting thing to know was that I wasn't the only one with those problems. The bad part was how they felt people got themselves into that situation by ignorance and so I felt that they wouldn't be so kind to me if they knew I was in that same situation. They would probably say "you know better..!! how could you get yourself in that situation....".

 

So here is one of my big dilemmas. Working in the financial sector and having myself financial difficulties. I could only wish my boss and our customers could continue trusting me if they knew just how big my debt was and how hard it was for me to keep making those monthly payments.

 

Whenever I get a call from a bank I wonder if it's a work call asking me for information about a system or something or if it's going to be a call from their collection department. I wonder if some of the people in the banks that I work with know how much debt I have with their bank and how many times i've missed a payment.  Do you think they would help me to maybe get a payment plan or would they go ahead and tell my boss that I had money trouble and let him see how he would handle me? Or would they just play dumb and not tell anyone officially.

 

So far no one I know in the banks has let me know they are aware of my troubles. Even the IT guy at the credit bureau is someone I know and he would probably be the one to know the most about my problems. I haven't heard from him. I guess they don't run credit reports on friends just for hell of it.

 

Payday is coming soon. Not soon enough I think. I know that all of it already has an owner, and it's not me.

 

BTW, the picture is of a 1 lempira bill, the currency used in Honduras.

 

About me - The long version

I guess you would want to know more about me than just that i'm in debt up to my nostrils.

 

I live in Honduras, in Central America. Don't know where it is? It's south of Mexico, in the Heart of Central America.

 

My parents put me in a Bilingual school for 12 years and so I know how to read,write, listen, understand and speak english as well as spanish. I have less chance to speak it here but I can usually hold a conversation pretty well.

 

I graduated college in 1997 (wow, it's been that long!), Computer Science, or at least it's equivalent here in my country. I started programming since my 2nd year in college and liked it at first but then I hated how much time was wasted between bad designs and slow programming languages.

 

Due to a twist of fate I got transfered to the systems administration department. These are the guys that keep the computers and networks running. If we are doing our job well then everything is running fine and you don't notice us. If you say or hear "the system/network is down" they it's a big emergency for us.

 

After graduating I then moved on to a better (much) paying job in which I had to program again (and hated it) but also travelled for work (loved it). It was too good to be true and it only lasted a couple of years. The company folded in 2000.

 

I did a short time with the local offices of the company that folded, and then I landed on the job that is currently my "main" daytime job. I'm a system administrator again. This means that if I do my job well and get things organized and everyone is happy I have time for myself :-) weee! That's one of things I love about this type of job.

 

I married young (too young), and I have 2 girls who are the driving force in my life. I want to be able to at least give them the same type of education I got as I feel it's the best inheritance I will be able to pass along to them. That and have them learn from my many mistakes.

 

Well there's more but that's it for now. I like to try out new stuff so i'm posting this from email instead of going to the website and typing there. Let's see how this goes.