Gazing into the Abyss

It is so hard to write about my problems. It is much easier to write when I get some income and pay some debt.

I've had two setbacks these past days.

The first one has been that the business with my ex-brother-in-law has stopped. Not due to him or me not wanting to continue but our provider has had problem deliver then goods and shipping them to the US. So with no goods to send there is no money to pay the provider and thus no actions I have to do and no money for me to collect for doing that. They say they will be able to resume shipping in a couple of weeks. That will make it a whole month without that income. That's about $920 that I will not receive this month. It has happened before but I'm more affected by this situation now. I'm looking for other suppliers but their prices are much higher and so the search is on.

The other one that really made my heart sink was going to my main credit card and asking for a payment arrangement. For starters they wouldn't use my extrafinancing line to put my credit card debt in it because they see in my records that I've been dragging a balance. Ok, fair enough. So I asked for my card to be cancelled and get a payment schedule. I went to the office for that and since I have a loan with them and my "cellphone card" too they want to close all that up and tie it into one big loan at a rate that is lower than my credit card but higher than the loan and the extrafinancing.

I wouldn't mind even it meant a $500 monthly payment. However they closed up with saying that for them to arrange all this for me they would need for me to get a 2 cosigners. Not one , but two. And they have to earn more than 30,000 lempiras per month. It's close to impossible for me to get one, so I can forget about getting two. I was so shocked and disappointed that I didn't even ask what could they do for me without cosigners. I guess they wouldn't help me without them.

So it has come to start asking friends and family for loans. My best friend is in town this week. That's one reason I haven't written that much because we keep going out a lot (he pays for almost everything to my embarrassment but he is ok with it). I will ask him for help with this card before he leaves on Saturday. He helps me a lot by getting me gigs with US companies that pay me to do work for them from here, so he is already helping me by vouching for me. I will have to drop the shame and ask him for a loan.

I have some more stuff to write that is more upbeat but it's difficult to start when more than one negative thing hits me at the same time. I don't really feel like writing at times. However, like now, after writing about my problems I can look at them a bit more objectively and try to solve them rather than just take pity on myself which does nothing to help me.

Lately I've felt that my wife and kids understand my situation a bit more after some soft and hard discussions we've had. Still I don't think it sticks completely in their mind but maybe with repetition it will.

Well, at least this blog is free.