A little good in a lot of bad

Well I just told you about one of the big debts I have. On the same day I got at least a little bit of happiness by paying my dad one more month on his extra financing. It's another $75 that I just got that are gone out of my pocket in no time.

Some people feel happy when they buy. I feel happy when I pay debts! I feel happy subtracting numbers from my debts. My guts twist and turn when I have to hand over my credit card to pay for something. I haven't done that for at least 2 months now so I hope I can keep that record and increase it.

 

I feel good paying what I owe to my dad. I'm done with payment #23 out of 36. Just 13 more payments to go on that.

 

My mom just came by my office to pick up the $200 from my ex-brother in law plus another $50 that I still owed her from last month. She told me that my dad is back home sick. He has respiratory problems. He's had them all his life and at age 60+ they are just bound to get worse. No wonder he hasn't call to ask about my payment. I feel bad about him being ill, and I feel good that I at least am keeping up with payments to him.

 

Dad, I've never told you this because you and I never had a close relationship. It was more like a doctor - patient thing what you and I had. We would talk planes, computers, construction and cars but rarely would we talk about life. So I want to tell you that even though you got dealt a lousy hand in life I still think you did what you thought was best for us. I thank you for putting me thru bilingual school, I thank you for sending me to the best college in the country even when you thought you would have to pay for it all. Thank you for showing me just how much patience a man can have in the face of the worst things in the world. Thank you for showing me that you can have fear and still do things.

 

Dad, I wish I could've listened better when I felt you were butting into my finances by asking me why I owed so much in my credit cards. I wish I could be better financially when you pushed me into buying the car. I know you meant well and I probably needed the push to get it done and cut other stuff.

 

Dad, I know I've disappointed you with some decisions I've made in my life. I know my other younger brothers and my sisters probably make you prouder than I do. I hope that some day before you go I can make you as proud of me as you are of them.

 

Ok..I can't write anymore thru the tears. That's all for today folks.